he's the reason

after so long im not posting my wtf stuff here... i would like to start on something new... i hate myself to be in this stupid situation... i hate myself for letting the stupid feeling happen... i'm a real loser... well it wouldn't happen if i know to control myself... to control all the feeling in my heart...

i'm asking myself so many times... why it's happened? and so many why, why and why? however the biggest question mark is for WHY IT MUST BE HIM??? he is my friend and i shouldn't fall for him...

but the thing is... he always be the reason for to smile... he always be the thing to miss when he's not there to see... i know it's so stupid to feel that way... but it's hard for me to stop it... and the most stupid is i felt bad to have it in my heart...

well, can he tell me why i can't see anyone when he's with me? i wonder if he knows that he's all i think about at all times...

we're getting far now... i have to pretend that i don't really care about him... there's no more stalking around... there's no jokes between us... there's nothing... and all i know is i'm always wanted to be with him... to hear his jokes... he's always be the reason for the stupid things in my life... i love it but i hate it...